Im sixteen years old and then have lately connected with a girl
the very first time.
By “hookup” I mean stated lady and that I passionately made on for eight long drawn out hours whilst rolling across mosquito-ridden turf at a summer theater workshop for the Berkshires. From the time my girl-on-girl hookup, I’m entirely and totally

girl insane

. I am beginning to think that why I never felt obligated to hold upwards Tiger Beat photos of quite teen guy idols throughout my personal bedroom is simply because I’m a huge
lesbian
. You will find not too long ago begun hearing Ani Difranco and Bitch and Animal and everything is just starting to (kind of) make sense.

On this specific afternoon, Im for the vehicle with my dad on the method to the shopping mall because I’m an adolescent mallrat just who shops at moist Seal. I am actually thrilled to find a set of fishnets with my babysitting money that I will expertly rip to shreds and become a very naughty top. I’m thinking about my personal brand-new naughty top and how cool We’ll check rocking it from the cellar household celebration i will afterwards that night (Justin’s parents are out of town). Rumor provides it, you’ll encounter lbs of pot and loads of Pabst blue-ribbon on ice—which is actually, like,

nice thing about it

as I’m a budding
party lady
just who not too long ago discovered the woman love of getting lit just like the Christmas time lights that adorn the entry way in December.

Bob Dylan is actually vocal “Like a Rolling Stone” regarding radio, and I also’m babbling to my father exactly how the track is approximately Edie Sedgwick, just who regularly go out at Andy Warhol’s factory and presumably had a steaming hot event with Bob Dylan, and it isn’t it thus cool that i am aware this? My dad is tuning me around, and that is great because I am not really chatting

to

him, I’m chatting

at

him and enjoying the gorgeous noise of my personal vocals.

Instantly a husky female’s voice begins to permeate through the car speakers. The husky sound casually sings out the following verse:

I’m tryin’ to share with you somethin’ ‘bout living



Perhaps give me personally knowledge between black and white



In addition to smartest thing you have actually ever done for me



Will be help me just take my entire life less honestly



It’s merely existence, in the end, yeah

I’m fascinated and slightly..

. aroused.

The sound seems nothing beats the nasal baby-doll Brittany Spears-ish vocals that’s been very popular since all of us failed to perish whenever Y2K occurred. It’s the hazardous rasp of Bruce Springsteen but with the soul of a female. I’ve never heard something like it within my lengthy sixteen many years on planet earth. I anxiously wind up the volume, panicking the track will quickly finish, and I also won’t will experience the incredible experience it’s offering me personally again. (this really is pre-Spotify, baby!)

We dropped by the bar at three A.M.



To look for comfort in a container, or maybe a pal



And that I woke with an aggravation like my head against a board



Two times as cloudy when I’d already been the evening before



And I also moved in searching for quality

Yes! I Believe seen. Possibly i am slugging straight back the Pabst blue-ribbon not because i am a celebration woman like my personal mama, but rather i am searching for some thing further. Like “quality.”

There is more than one response to these concerns



Pointing me in a crooked range



Plus the less we look for my source for some definitive



The closer i will be to fine



The nearer Im to okay



The nearer i’m to okay, yeah

Holy shit

, i do believe to me, my mind circulating and twirling like an intoxicated dancer.

There is certainly MORE THAN ONE ANSWER TO THESE CONCERNS I’m consistently as an adolescent being pushed with!

I mean, everybody is usually asking myself everything I wish to accomplish using my life—and i wish to perform a LOT of things, OK? And possibly Really don’t need, like, a definitive answer and also by permitting go of this pressure to find one perhaps i’m going to be closer to okay. Perhaps Not

completely great,

because that would make myself dull and I also’m never MUNDANE, but

nearer

to okay. I’m having big existence epiphanies while sitting inside the passenger’s seat of my dad’s car. He has no idea.

Finally, the tune comes to an end. We close my personal sight and ask “whom sings that track?” to dad who is apparently rocking around alongside myself.

“The Indigo Girls,” he says, switching lanes. My dad has exceptional flavor in music. A few years later on, I would just take him to see Ani Difranco in concert, and then he would get us to see Bob Dylan.

The Indigo Women. I been aware of them. My hippy (lesbian) camp counselors all liked the Indigo Girls, and I wrote all of them off as “annoying lesbian songs” in my judgmental acne-ridden adolescent head. We all of a sudden shiver. I am a lesbian. No surprise I feel so drilling “observed” hearing them. Not surprising that i’m very observed while paying attention to Ani, too! She’s bisexual. These ladies, I all of a sudden realize, are my sole connection to the queer world while i am still imprisoned in my own direct suburban highschool.

Ultimately, we pull in to the mall. The parking area is actually teeming with kids cigarette smoking, and I’m wanting one. Personally I think like a true difficult teen given that I’ve heard the Indigo ladies and are sure that I’m gay. We enter through the meals judge which has the scent of burning synthetic and Arby’s. We fun.

“moist Seal, appropriate?” requires my dad—who has actually elevated three teenage girls—leading ways.

“Nah,” I say. “Let’s go right to the record store. I wanna get an Indigo babes record album.”